Sunday, June 30, 2013

Apologies not accepted

When at parties, on the bus or chatting at a coffee shop, invariably it comes up:
"What do you do for a living?"
A perfectly harmless question designed to elicit the furthering of an enjoyable conversation. If only that person knew how loaded an inquiry that is.
For the longest time I all but shuddered when someone asked it. I would go somewhat quiet, hem and haw a little bit, dig my toe through the imaginary sand at my feet and then, in an almost apologetic tone mutter something about being a "whatever" who also happens to be pursuing an acting career.
I was afraid to admit to otherwise complete strangers my dreams and aspirations, as though their judgement would be immediate and absolute.
Why should I be embarrassed by such a thing?
I suppose I can look at my upbringing. I am your typical lapsed Irish Catholic from a working class neighborhood. This was a place where pursuing your dreams was all well and good, but at the end of a day you had a gang of mouths to feed. Dreams were "a nice thing to have", but to actually pursue them with anything other than passing interest was somewhat taboo.
The idealism of youth bore me through that time. I got my art degree and I earned a living for years as an artist for computer games and any other industry that could use my skills. Even though it was an "artistic" endeavor, it still had an observably linear progression that one could assign a dollar amount to.
Acting doesn't really have such a linear path to success. So, to many, it can seem far more frivolous. A pipe-dream.
Coming to terms with that in my own mind, being a responsible husband and father, was a daunting task. I questioned myself constantly:
"Is this a selfish pursuit? One where I am dooming my family to a life of uncertainty?"
A life of uncertainty? After losing two jobs and both my parents over the span of six years, I learned the hard way that there is no such thing as certainty.
You could drop dead tomorrow. the only thing you have any control over is what you choose to do with the time you have.
Never apologize for following your dreams.
Politeness has nothing to do with it.



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